Within and Without
by Lord Malachite
Summary: Dorothy takes a look inside herself. Roger/Dorothy fans will rejoice!


  
Within and Without  
  
  
  
"My name is R. Dorothy Wayneright. The desgination was given to me to make the  
illusion more complete. So that I might fully take on the part of my father's deceased  
daughter."  
  
"I am often told that I do not feel. That I do not have emotions. I do not believe  
this is so. I know that I do not feel the way that Roger does, or even Norman, and yet, I  
am not just a cold, metallic shell. I am a person in my own right. I am a creation, who was  
given a false soul of sorts, made to mimic the original person known as Dorothy Wayneright.  
But I am not Dorothy Wayneright. I do not believe that I feel things as she did, that I  
perceive things as she did."  
  
"Roger tells me that my memories are my own, not those of someone else. There are  
times that I would like to believe him, there are times when I know he is right, and when I  
know that nothing could be further from the truth. We have come to tolerate one another.  
Perhaps I do care for him, if such a thing is possible. He is the only one around me who  
has not treated me as an object, but as a person. And yet, Roger does not see me like he  
sees Instro. Why is that? Am I so completely different? Am I somehow less real to him?"  
  
"I wonder sometimes if I misplace my faith in him. I realize now that somewhere  
along the line I lost control of the situation. He is supposed to work for me. I have hired  
him to be my protector. I pay for his services with my own. But I have become the servant.  
I have surrendered myself to Roger Smith. There are times when he behaves like a cad, and  
treats me like a maid. There are times when he treats me like I am the only thing that  
matters to him, protecting me with great peril to his own life. I don't understand him.  
Only Norman seems to understand Roger, but he has not been very forthcoming. It is this   
city, I know it. Roger would not behave this way if only we could escape from this city.  
There are times when I have thought of trying to get out, but then I realize that I can't.  
I am. . .afraid. If I could find a way to leave Paradigm City, I might cease to exist. I  
exist here. I was created here. I was not meant to be a part of the outside world, if one  
even exists."  
  
"Even Roger cannot be so blind. He hides himself from me, speaks in riddles. He is  
afraid of me. His New Heaven's Day gift. . .it was unexpected. He had said that he would  
not be giving any gifts to those he loves. Those he loves. He did not give a gift to  
Norman. Why did he give a gift only to me? Why did I give only to him? I have wondered  
about this thing called love for sometime, now. No one is able to help me understand it. I  
wish to experience it, so that I might understand it. I want Roger to help me experience  
it. I want to experience love with Roger. Yes. He is the one who understands it. I have  
heard Norman say that Roger is 'a whiz with the ladies.' Perhaps only Roger can help me  
find out whether this thing called love is resident within me. I have become aware that  
there are. . .things inside me for Roger. Wants and desires, to talk with him, to please  
him, to playfully antagonize him. I enjoy these things. I want to go on doing them. Doing  
them for him. I identify these things with love. Yes. And yet, I still do not fully  
understand these things. I had never had any desire to wrap my arms around Roger. But when  
I was being controlled, I attempted to kill him in this manner. I do not remember  
everything of those experiences, but I now know that I wish to do it again, properly. Are  
these the desires that Dorothy would have had? Are they her desires? But I am not Dorothy,  
I am R. Dorothy. I don't wish for her desires. I want my desires to be my own."  
  
"Perhaps only Pero was able to understand me. Roger did not fullfil my contract with  
him. He did not recover Pero. I felt. . .sad. And yet, I do not feel anger towards Roger  
over this. It was not his fault. I cannot wish Pero back. It is as Roger said, I must now  
cherish the memories I have of him, for they are all that are left me. Memories. Memories  
are very important in this city. 'The city of amnesia' Roger has called it more than once.  
Roger. Can you understand it? I need you to explain to me why I feel the way that I do.   
You're a louse, Roger Smith, if you do not help me. But I do not know how to ask you.  
Everytime that I try, you seem to run away from me. Are you afraid that you will hurt me?  
But you say that I do not have emotions. If you believe that to be true, then you should  
not believe that anything you say to me would hurt me. Help me, Roger. I have hired you to  
protect me. I need to be protected from the things within me as well as those from without.  
If you do not help me, then our contract becomes moot."  
  
  
  
  
This was intended to be a fun little piece of work. It's my first Big-O fanfic, but the  
character of Dorothy is just too inspiring not to write some sort of fic about. And yes, I  
am pro Roger/Dorothy. It makes sense to me! Besides, the hero of the story is supposed to  
get the girl, and Dorothy is the female lead, not Angel.  
  
  
Anywho, I hope everyone enjoyed my little work. I sure enjoyed writing it! As always,  
standard disclaimers apply. I don't own "The Big-O," I'm just blatantly borrowing its  
characters without permission, in order that I might express myself. I'm not making any  
profit off of your creations, Sunrise, so don't bother! I don't recommend suing me either,  
because what little I own, is already owed to the government, or to Mastercard.  
  
  
Thanks, you've been a great listeners, but like all authors, I would really appreciate it if  
you would take the time to sound off about my story by writing a review. Even of you didn't  
like it, that's okay. But if you don't let the author know how he is doing, then he can't  
improve!  
  
Later!  
  
Lord Malachite  
  
ranger_writer@yahoo.com  
  



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